Open Water.... Purgatory?

So I jumped back in the water (literally and figuratively) and tried this whole open water swimming thing again.

Pros:

I got to swim the actual route that I will be swimming during the Kill Creek Triathlon. 

Kill Creek Lake truly is a very pretty lake, very clean, and fed by an underwater spring.  The temperature was perfect and the water was clear (see cons).

I finished the full 500 meters, and it didn't seem very far.

I swam after already biking and running for the day, so I actually completed a full triathlon for the first time. (Spread out over several hours, I know.)

Cons:

The water was clear. 

As I got 20 or 30 feet from shore, I could see the lake plants beneath me.  This seems so benign when I write it, but in the moment, it made me panic.  Bad.  To the point that I had to swim with my head out of the water a few times, just so I couldn't see the damn plants.  I also tried to close my eyes when my head was underwater, but this made me too disoriented.  I can't explain what about these plants made me panic.  There were no fish hiding in them (that I saw), and they were just cute little lake plants, doing their thing...

I was very upset by the reaction I had.  I called poor Patrick on my way home from the lake and bawled my eyes out.  I was upset that after all the hard work I had put in at the pool, my swim time was going to be screwed by my own anxiety.  I don't like being so controlled by panic.  My whole career is based on my ability to NOT PANIC, and here I was, worrying baselessly about water plants.  And the kicker is, I freaking love plants!  I even had a water garden in my backyard at one point!

So, I'm trying to draw from this experience to make my next open water attempt better.  I've googled "How to Overcome Open Water Swim Anxiety" several times today.  I always feel better the more I read.  I feel more in control of my situation.

I also do better the more I talk about the situation.  Hopefully rehashing it a couple of thousand of times will get the panic out of my head.  Thanks for listening.

Open Water Hell

The husband and I took our three small children on a mini-staycation this week.  We stayed at an adorable, fully equipped, AIR-CONDITIONED cabin at one of the local lakes.  It was such a fun trip and we made some sweet memories in our two short days there.

Except for one thing.

Swimming.

My kids had a blast, don't get me wrong.  They are still at the age where a too-warm lake and some fish bones floating by are interesting, and not gag-inducing.

I, on the other hand, nearly cried. 

This was to be my first practice at open water swimming.  It was just me and my non-judgmental family, the beach was completely empty of other swimmers.  I had never been one to be freaked out by bodies of water, no matter how murky or fishy they might be.  I floated the entire length of a dark Mexican River in a life jacket on our honeymoon, surely I could handle a little Kansas lake.

The first problem was the temperature of the water.  It was so HOT.  It made me feel like the water was too stagnant and shallow.  Then, the foam.  Every few minutes some dirty frothy stuff would float ashore and my kids would exclaim "Look mom, more foam!"  I then would yell frantically at them not to touch it.  I have no idea what this stuff might of been.  And if you know, don't tell me.  Unless it's something innocent, like baby shampoo wash off or something. 

So I waded out with my pink goggles on.  I looked back at my husband on the shore and yelled out "I can't do this!" and he, ever supportive, yelled back "Then don't!"

I swam out a ways, how far out I'm not even going to guess (it was not far).  I looked up like Patrick taught me to sight my buoy, and saw that I was nearly perpendicular to the direction I was wanting to go.  I knew it was easy to get off course, but seriously?  This made me even more anxious.  I felt out of control.  I was swimming in random directions in the middle of a large lake of cappuccino.   Complete with the frothy foam on top.  I was so anxious I could not focus on my strokes or breathing and was seriously getting out of breath.  I redirected myself back on course once or twice and then ended up turning around and swimming back with my head out of the water.  I was super disappointed in myself.

My husband told me (I don't know if he was lying or not, I don't care) that if it made me feel any better, he would not of swam at this particular beach, either.  Yes, dear, that did make me feel better.  He says that the lake that I will be required to swim in on race day is fed by an underwater spring and is a little cooler and clearer.  That also makes me feel a lot better.  I have not given up, but it is going to take a lot of practice to get over this new obstacle. 

One Kilometer

So my very good friend, Hillary, who is into her third year of triathlons, has three kids, and works as a PICU nurse, has kicked me into gear.  She signed up for the same Olathe Triathlon as me, at which time she will be roughly five months post-partum from her third sweet baby.  That, my friends, is amazing. 

I was chatting with her the other day, asking novice questions like "What should I wear?" and "What if I have to pee?" and we got into a conversation about swimming distances.  I know that I have to swim 500 meters for this race and had pretty much set my training goal right at 500 meters.  When I first started, I was doing well to swim 50 meters without stopping, so 500 as a goal seemed just right.  Well, Ms. Hillary said that HER goal before her very first race was to be able to swim TWICE the distance that she would be swimming at race time....1000 meters!  So this made me think I needed to kick my butt into a higher gear. 

So today, at the gym, I forced myself to swim 1000 meters.   One whole kilometer.  Twenty back and forths.  Forty pool lengths.  For me, that is a huge amount of swimming.  But I did it and I feel...fabulous.

On another vein, my husband gave me just about the best compliment he could of ever given me.  We were getting ready to swim side by side at one of our weekly lycra dates.  I was asking him about drills I could do to improve my form and this is what he said to me: "Your form is pretty much fine; now you just need to work on your speed and endurance."  My form is okay?  Really?  God bless that man.  He has no idea how I cling to the smallest things to keep me going.

I Love My Bike....and My Husband

I love this bike.  It is SO fast.  I was scared of it at first.  I felt like it's speed was too much for me to handle.  But I now understand the attraction to fast bikes.  The wind in your face, even on a 95 degree day, can't be matched.  I've become a bit of a bike snob.  Which is sad, because the furthest I've ever ridden is 10 miles.  When I see a fellow biker, I secretly judge their bike brand in my head.  Usually my untrained eye decides that mine is cooler.

I was very intimidated by the shifting at first.  My poor husband tried to explain the correlation between the small right shifter and the back gear blah blah blah.  This in turn served to make me a whole lot more nervous.  So he made me this simple reference guide, printed it up and taped it securely to my handle bars.  I love it so much.  Even though I feel quite a bit more comfortable with shifting gears, I will never take this guide off.  When I look down, I smile a little bit, because the man knows me.  And loves me anyway.

It's like the time he marked a turn-around point with a big brown rock.  He was out running with his fancy Garmin mileage thingy and stopped to lay a rock at the two mile point so when it was my turn to run (we go in child watching shifts) I would know where to turn around.  I picked that big rock up and carried it home with me and keep it on my dresser.  It makes me smile and keeps me going to know how supportive he is.

Whew!

Let me catch my breath....

Man, this summer has been a busy one!  I'm typing this furiously before I have to get the two big kids into their swimming suits and head off to the last day of swimming lessons!  LAST day of swimming lessons?  Already?  Yes, we managed to squeeze two weeks of swimming lessons into our first half month of summer, as well as baseball, ballet, a day at the beach, a trip to see the dinos at Powell Gardens, an afternoon at the fountains in Crown Center, and a generous sprinkling of play dates and bike rides.  And it's only getting better.  Next week we add theater camp and tae kwon do to the mix. 

I remember a more "experienced" mother at work telling me that you only get busier as your kids get older, and now I understand.  The more kids you have attending school in the fall, the more you want to cram into the short three months of summer.  I made a "summer bucket list" similar to one of my new favorite bloggers, cleanmama.blogspot.com, and am committed to helping my kids make awesome summer memories this year.  I spent a day researching and typing up a plan, and my 6-year-old  checks the list every morning to keep us on track. 

I'm also trying to embrace the idea that I can put my heart and energy into several projects at once.  I've always been the type of person that gets an idea (i.e. doing a triathlon) and pours a lot of time, energy, and money into it and tends to let other projects/routines/tasks fall to the wayside (i.e. cleaning the bathroom).  So, that's getting old.  And kind of smelly.  Cleanmama has inspired me to make a "weekly docket." This maps out my plan for the week.  My dinners, my cleaning schedule, my kids schedule, and my workout schedule.  At the top, I pick one big project to tackle anytime that week.  This weeks is the LEFT side of my pantry.  This may or may not get done, I can always carry it over to next week.  Last weeks project, organizing the junk drawer.  Isn't that beautiful?

My workouts are getting squeezed in whenever possible, mostly in the morning before Patrick leaves for work.  Admittedly, they have been low on my list of priorities until these last couple of weeks, when I realized Triathlon Season was upon us and I had to get serious.  I often do this when I'm training for something big.  I like to give my body and mind a little break midway through my plan and then jump back in at full force. 

My new favorite workout?  Running 3-4 miles with my little man on his fancy "Specialized" bike.  Babies and toddlers are cute, but I'm happily realizing how much fun it is to have big kids that you can truly play with.  A kid that can really play catch with you, really ride bikes with you, really play badmitton with you. There's no "letting him win" anymore. 

And so we're off to start our Thursday.  The best part is when everyone crashes around 2:00pm and then wakes up ready for the second part of our day.

organization, anyone?

I used to scoff at the parents magazines that said the best way to manage a busy household with small children was to organize, set a routine, and then organize some more.  I scoff a lot in my head.  I smile nicely and then I think "My mom/husband/best friend/self and I are going to have a laugh about that one later."

I was one to fly by the seat of my pants, a lot.  I didn't make many long term plans, because if it happened to be a bad day in my house, we wouldn't end up going anywhere.  On the flip side, if it was a nice day, we would make last minute plans to go to the park, have a picnic, or go swimming.  Sometimes this meant that we ran out of milk, because it was never the right day to trudge through Walmart. 

Somehow, somewhere, my life started to follow a pattern.  As this pattern took hold, I realized (grudgingly) the benefits to having a routine.  Especially with small kids that thrive on predictability. 

Every Monday morning is now Walmart morning.  There are several very nice Walmart employees that recognize/anticipate/dread my small clan every Monday.  There is a sweet checker who never grumbles about my 20 reusable bags, 30 coupons, and small blond 4-year-old that handles all the candy.  And she is super fast at getting me through the line in time to pick up my kindergartner.  There is a quiet cart guy that follows me innocently to my car and waits patiently for my insanely huge shopping cart stroller combo so he can wheel it back to the cart corral.  He has even started greeting me at the door with a quiet "Must be Monday!" 

The E-Mealz has virtually eliminated my stress over dinner.  The meals are nothing fancy, but the less I have to think about a dinner recipe, the less I stress when no one eats it.  E-Mealz has in turn made my Walmart prep every Monday morning quick and painless.  I have started to look forward to the post-weekend coupon hunt and have organized my coupons in a cute little photo album.  I am by no means one of those crazy couponers, but I am trying really hard to not purchase anything with a brand name unless I have a coupon.  Have I saved alot (or any?) money yet?  No, not really, but I am determined that after a few months of this, I will be saving SOMETHING.  My sanity has to be worth a few bucks here or there, right?

Organizing my shopping trip has influenced me to next organize my pantry.  I found out I didn't really need to pick up another can of Campbell's soup, because I actually had three shoved in the back of the pantry that I couldn't see.  I realize that this is probably what most people's pantries look like already, but mine was far from it.  I thought I always knew where everything was because I was just good like that, but I didn't. 

So I've tackled my grocery shopping, my food storage space, and my evening meals.  What's next on the list?  More sleep.  I just received a well reviewed book from Amazon called "Good Night, Sleep Tight."  My sweet almost nine-month-old baby still loves to wake 1-2 times a night to nurse.  I'm not a fan of letting her "cry it out" but I know that she doesn't need these night feeds, and momma needs a full night sleep.  So we are tackling our sleep routine now.  The older kids have it down, but she's not quite there.  I'm hoping this book will help me feel comfortable with the next task on my organization list.

Triathlon training?  It's going.  I have been reinvigorated by a couple of outdoor runs here or there.  I forgot how much I love love love running outdoors.  It is so fresh and free feeling.  I'm still at the pool a couple of times a week, but the nice weather has really made me want to stay outside.  My new anxiety is the bike.  I have yet to ride my bike outside.  My sweet husband has made me nervous by insisting that I ride with him the first few times I venture out.  I thought riding a bike was riding a bike, but apparently I am more at risk on a real road bike.  Or maybe he's just worried about the $500 piece of metal that I might crash?  I don't know, but he did buy me a new fancy pink helmet for Easter, so maybe he is a tad concerned for my well-being...

Quick Check In

As we all scramble to prepare for our mini "staycation" at the Great Wolf Lodge this week, I just had to report a small success in feeding my family.

My good friend Ryanne introduced me to E-Mealz.  You pay $5 a month to have a weeks worth of dinner recipes and a shopping list emailed to you every week.  When she first told me about it and said that she had heard of it in conjunction with Dave Ramsey, I scoffed inside my head.  Dave Ramsey, the budget buster guy, was encouraging people to pay to have someone else make up a meal plan for them?  I thought it was pure craziness at the time.  I looked into the website, was intrigued, and decided to give it a month.  One week into it, I am already trying to hook up my friends.

Last night was the clincher.  I followed the recipes for Taco Calzones and it was a bona fide hit in my house.   My son, instead of "tasting" the new food with a couple of baby bites and then being done, actually ATE his entire serving.  Even my husband, who has never been one to gush about my cooking, told me this morning that he was upset he only got one helping. 

You can choose a plan based on where you shop, how many people you are cooking for, and/or any special diet needs you might have.  The print-outs are fabulous because your entire week of recipes are on ONE PAGE.  Have you ever tried to shop at wal-mart with three kids, 25 coupons, and five recipe cards in hand?  I have.  Something inevitably gets lost.  Usually not one of the kids.